In Chapter 9 we learn more about mindful living and dying. The most effective way to do this is through a meditation practice. There are many forms of meditation processes available to us, many teachers to help us—sitting in silence, walking in silence, kneeling, standing, lying down, guided imagery, chanting, repeating mantras. If we want to use a meditation practice to prepare for death, we can learn to live every moment, minute by minutes, exploring our minds, thoughts, emotions, and sensations with a merciful awareness.
My experience with meditation began back in 1978 when I took a course in “Contemplative Prayer” taught by an Episcopal Priest. Contemplative prayer is a type of meditation in the Christian tradition. Its purpose is to achieve a close spiritual union with God. Both Eastern and Western Christian teachings emphasize the use of these meditative prayers. In my experience of Contemplative Prayer, we used quotes from stories about Jesus in the New Testament which focused on qualities that we wanted to bring into our lives, such as, love, forgiveness, generosity, and gratitude. Around the same time, I read Stephen Levine’s book A Gradual Awakening which teaches the process of mindfulness meditation in the Buddhist tradition, and I began to practice that. I vowed to practice it daily. I also read a book by Ram Dass entitled Be Here Now, which was very popular at the time, and teaches that we get in touch with our essence, which is Spirit and Spirit is Love, by learning how to live in the present moment. All of these were instrumental in my desire to learn to meditate.
At first, I found it to be quite difficult, if not impossible, to sit still for more than 5 minutes at a time, let alone for the 20 or 30 minutes recommended. My body found many reasons to not want to sit still, most prevalent was the pain of the position – my knees bothered me when sitting cross-legged, my spine got tired of holding myself straight, my hands felt strange when loosely folded in my lap. There was also the problem of dealing with my mind, which was constantly busy, shifting from one thought to the next, telling me that this was boring and impossible, distracting me with my grocery list, and asking me what did I think I doing anyway and why. However, something in what I read and/or heard from meditation teachers made me want to do it. There was something about the idea that meditation would be good for me in the long run. I went to classes and workshops and retreats to learn from many different teachers, and they all said that I should pick one teacher, one style of meditation, stick to it, learn it, and do it until I was proficient. For some reason I resisted doing it that way; I wanted a more eclectic approach.
Eventually I found my way to Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Marin County just north of San Francisco. I fell in love with the place and the people and was drawn in by the warmth of particular teachers such as Jack Kornfield and Sylvia Boorstein. I lived 90 miles east of Spirit Rock, so I began to drive over at least once a month for a Saturday or a weekend meditation training. I bought books to read at home and tapes of dharma talks (dharma means the teachings of Buddha) to listen to in my car as I drove back and forth. I discovered over a period of a couple of years that I was finally able to sit still for longer periods of time, to feel more comfortable in the posture, and to notice moments of a quiet mind in the gap between thoughts that continued to arise, stay long enough to distract me, and then dissolve away. My teachers said that was the best time to be aware, aware that my thoughts had taken over, and choose to return to silent awareness. Over and over again for 20 to 30 minutes.
Spirit Rock is a Buddhist Retreat Center where Mindfulness Meditation is taught and teachings of the Buddha are presented. Mindfulness meditation progresses through a focus on the breath—noticing the sensations of the breath, inhaling and exhaling—then noticing sensations of the body, how they shift from place to place, are pleasant or unpleasant. Next comes a focus on emotions that arise and fall away with the experience of sensations. And lastly, we pay attention to our thoughts, watching them appear, stay momentarily, and dissolve back into the void. While progressing gradually through this process of awakening our awareness to what is happening moment by moment, we become more mindful of what we are experiencing in our bodies and minds, we get better at staying in the present moment, and we begin to understand how the mind works. A result is usually a more relaxed body and a calmer mind. We reside in a silence that is deep and comforting; and when that happens, we also often receive an insight into a deeper consciousness, a spiritual awareness of being aware, and of meaning to it all. Hence it is called Mindfulness Meditation or Insight Meditation.
I tried other forms of meditation, namely, Tibetan, Zen, guided, and “New Age” guided imagery, but I found that I preferred Mindfulness Meditation and have continued to use that primarily in my meditation practice. I continue to read books, study with teachers, listen to dharma talks, attend trainings, and meditate daily.
Buddhism has many teachings that center on dying and death. The Buddha taught his monks to meditate at night in cemeteries and cremation fields in order to face and overcome their fear of dying and death. Recently I attended a day-long meditation training at the Bozeman Dharma Center near where I now live that brought these two ideas—the importance of meditation and facing one’s fear of dying and death—into more concentrated focus. This particular Buddhist teaching is laid out in 16 steps. We covered the first twelve in the morning and the last four in the afternoon.
The 16 steps are progressive, each one building on the last. The first step begins with a focus on the breath, a meditation practice which I described above. By the end of the day, we use several other teachings of the Buddha as a focus for our short meditations. The last four steps explore primary teachings of Buddhism, namely, impermanence, suffering, attachment, and non-self. Impermanence basically means that everything is always in a state of flux. Suffering as taught by the Buddha is a constant in daily life and arises from resistance to what is. He also taught that there is a way out of suffering and that is through living an ethical life. As we focus on impermanence and suffering we can set an intention to let go of attachments to all aspects of our selves. As we do this over and over again during meditation practice, we begin to shift away from attachment and towards the stillness that is our deepest self, a pure awareness, a universal consciousness. We move towards the concept that we are not separate beings; we are always deeply connected.
The last step of the day was relinquishment, letting go or giving back. This last step includes all of the first 15 steps. We mentally let go of the burden of attachment to our impermanent bodies, emotions, thoughts, perceptions, and ideas of consciousness. We let go of the things that cause us suffering, clinging to and resisting things that come and go. We let go of the burdens of a lifetime of attachment, the burden of carrying around all of our past resentments, greed, hatred, ego, fear, and all other afflictive experiences that cause suffering. We let go of a sense of a permanent separate self, we enter a state of beingnesscalled in Buddhism “non-self.” We give it all back to what is: nature, the world, the universe. This is an active and intentional process. The process of letting it all go culminates in a final release, freedom, liberation. This, of course, is also what we must do when we are dying—let go, release, and give it all back. Sometimes we do this consciously during the process of dying and sometimes it happens at the moment of death.
When we arrived at this point in the day, I felt a deep sense of relief, an awakening, seeing in this process an understanding of a new way of, and meaning for, meditation practice. I realized that this is a process that I can practice daily, and it will make my life much less fearful, freer, more open to newness, light, love, compassion, connection to others and the life around me. I can begin to live my life more fully, as Levine suggests over and over again. This, it seems to me, is a powerful new way to approach living and dying.
This day of meditation and teaching was profound for me. I drove home feeling calm and peaceful, contemplative, with a desire to share this with others. It was a day of meditation in a beautiful quiet room, learning a new way to meditate, and reaching a destination that I hadn’t even known existed—a new way to approach my own dying and death. It seems to fit right into what I am doing now with Levine’s book, my blogs, and all of you, learning to live in this present moment, alert, awake, and alive as if it were my last.
Self-inquiry questions:
1. Do you meditate regularly? If so, what method do you find most useful? If not, why not?
2. Have you studied Buddhism? Are these ideas new to you? Do you find them interesting?
3. How do you relate to staying in the present moment?n the present moment?
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