We focused on the concept of forgiveness in the last blog. In this blog I will share ideas about the concept of gratitude.
In the Christian home of my childhood, we gave thanks before every meal. It was in the form of a poem which was easy for children to remember: “For all we eat, for all we wear, for daily food and nightly care, we thank Thee Heavenly Father, Amen.” We took turns starting the prayer. Our family still says this prayer before meals when we get together for reunions, even though many of us are no longer practicing Christians.
The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways, gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what we receive, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, we acknowledge the goodness in our lives. In the process, we often recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside ourselves. As a result, gratitude also helps us connect to something larger than ourselves—whether to other people, nature, or a higher power. Recent research shows that gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. It helps us feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve our health, deal with adversity, and build stronger relationships.
Several teachers recommend developing a daily practice for gratitude. Some of my friends make a list each morning or evening of all the things they are grateful for that day. I haven’t made lists, but I think about gratitude often throughout the day and give thanks for many things – sunny weather, rain, a good lunch, friends who call, especially as the social distancing related to COVID continues. Gratitude has become a natural, and I think, healthy way to live.
Often when I am in a bad state—depression, anxiety, fear—I turn myself and my mood around by seeking and focusing on the good and letting go of the bad, choosing love instead of fear, finding gratitude for what I do have and release negative feelings about what I don’t. At night, lying in bed waiting to fall asleep, I intentionally and consciously give thanks for a safe house to live in, a warm bed to sleep in, enough food and water to satisfy me, and no violence in my immediate environs. I feel fortunate to live in a country where actual wars are far away, where women are treated relatively civilly, and where I am prosperous when so many people, even here, are striving to survive. Putting gratitude into words helps me remember how lucky I am to be alive at this time in this place.
Levine speaks of gratitude as a state of mind and tells us that as we practice it we experience an increase in happiness, not only for ourselves but also for others. Gratitude increases our appreciation for life; it is a high form of acceptance; it is a way of viewing life and being totally involved in it. We can use our life review exercise to look back in our lives and celebrate when we were, and are still, grateful. People, events, situations, teachings, our whole life is filled with what we have learned and shared, and we can be grateful for them all
I found the gratitude meditation in chapter 18 very helpful for pointing me toward a more metaphysical approach to gratefulness and life. I recorded it and have listened to it several times over the past few weeks. If you have the book, you might want to do that too and see how it helps you.
The Dalai Lama recommends a prayer that he suggests we recite every morning; each day, think as you wake up:
“Today I am fortunate to have woken up.
I am alive.
I have a precious human life.
I am not going to waste it.
I am going to use
all my energies to develop myself,
to expand my heart out to others,
to achieve enlightenment
for the benefit of all beings.
I am going to have
kind thoughts towards others.
I am not going to get angry,
or think badly about others.
I am going to benefit others
as much as I can.”
For me, this presents a way to look at life in a spiritual, Buddhist, fashion – and it could just as easily be Hindu, Christian or Muslim as well. It reminds me that each day is special. At my age, I am grateful to be alive and awake. I want to use each day for the betterment of myself and others, not to waste a moment, to expand my heart in loving-kindness and compassion, to benefit all beings.
This morning when I awoke I had thoughts of taking chapters 17 and 18 together, forgiveness and gratitude. This put me in mind of a paragraph in To See Differently, the text for Attitudinal Healing by Dr. Susan Trout that I have mentioned many times before. I find this paragraph about forgiveness and grace interesting, especially if I remember to use the word grace and gratitude interchangeably. It might read like this. Forgiveness is gratitude in action. Gratitude does not come from without, from above from elsewhere. Gratitude comes from within us. When we welcome gratitude into our lives, grievances fall away, the veil lifts, the heart opens. The heart and mind come into alignment so feelings and thoughts match. Gratitude is the energy of forgiveness, an energy that melts away grievance and pain and opens the space for another way to view the event. (in other words, to see it differently) Gratitude is the source of the experience of forgiveness.
In reviewing our lives often and intentionally, we engage in a gradual healing process of forgiveness and gratitude, which expands our lives in blessings, grace, and goodness. One leads to the other. When I work on forgiving, I end up feeling gratitude for whatever it was that was upsetting me; and when I focus on gratitude, I can forgive more easily. The two concepts seem to fit together naturally. If considering the two together is good for me, maybe it is for you as well.
Self-inquiry questions:
1. Do you actively work on forgiveness? Has the life review been helpful for you in that regard?
2. Do you intentionally focus on gratitude? Is the life review helpful for you in that regard?
3. What connection do you see between forgiveness and gratitude?
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